proof reading

HarmfulCommunications201908.org

@@ -334,25 +334,22 @@
   opportunity to submit this contribution to your analysis of /issues
   of online harassment, harmful communications and related offences/.
 
-  In this submission I am seeking to highlight 3 core concerns:
+  In this submission I am seeking to highlight 2 core concern
-  - The distinction between user behaviours and online services.
   - The nature of the online services from the perspective of small
     operators
   - The potential damage legislative measures can have on small
     operators of online services
 
 
-  However, prior to addressing these topics, I would like to raise
+  I will also address some additional concerns I believe are relevant
-  some ambiguities that this wider discussion will encounter.
+  to this analysis.
-  - The first is the meaning of the term /self-regulation/.
-
 * CONSDONE Self-hosting
 ** CONSDONE Self-hosting
    For the purposes of this submission, /self-hosting/ is where an
    individual or small group has opted to provide their own internet
    services, making use either of computer capacity provided by an ISP
    (for example, Blacknight.com, Amazon AWS) or by maintaining the
-   computer technology themselves.
+   underlying computer technology themselves.
 
    The services that the self-hoster exposes, then, are either
    developed specifically by the self-hoster or runs software that has
@@ -371,7 +368,7 @@
    direct, immediate and serious.
 
 *** CONSTODO Real examples of self-hosting
-    I host a number of such services:
+    I host a number of services:
     - [[http://www.gibiris.org/eo-blog][/Éibhear/Gibiris/]] is my blog site.
     - [[https://social.gibiris.org/][/Social Gibiris/]] is a micro-blogging service that is federated
       with others using the /AtomPub/ technology. Thus, /Social
@@ -383,9 +380,9 @@
     - [[https://git.gibiris.org/][/git.gibiris.org/]] is a source-code sharing site that I use to
       make publicly available some of the software that I develop for
       myself.
-    - [[https://news.gibiris.org/][/news.gibiris.org/]] is a news-aggregation that allows me to
+    - [[https://news.gibiris.org/][/news.gibiris.org/]] is a news-aggregation service that allows me
-      gather all the news sources of interest to me into one location,
+      to gather all the news sources of interest to me into one
-      which I can then access from wherever I am.
+      location, which I can then access from wherever I am.
     - [[https://cloud.gibiris.org/nextcloud][/cloud.gibiris.org/]] is a file-sharing platform that I use with
       my family when we are collaborating on projects (e.g. school
       projects, home improvement projects, etc.)
@@ -404,34 +401,35 @@
 
     There is a myriad of reasons for choosing to host one's own
     service. Some examples might be:
-    - Privacy -- until recently many services were careless or
+    - Privacy -- until recently many of the most popular services were
-      outright abusive users' privacy
+      careless or outright abusive users' privacy
-    - Tracking -- the extent to which organisations, particularly
+    - Tracking -- many organisations, particularly those whose
-      those whose business models are based on advertising, facilitate
+      business models are based on advertising, facilitate the
-      the tracking of internet users as they conduct their business or
+      tracking of internet users as they conduct their business or
       personal activities across the internet.
     - Autonomy -- to be able to configure ones own service is often a
       powerful experience.
     - Community -- While some of the global services with household
-      names offer features go small businesses and community groups
+      names offer features to small businesses and community groups
       (like football clubs or debating societies), often the lock-in
       and exclusivity involved can make it hard to include everyone
-      who needs to be involved. Hosting your own services allows you
+      who needs to be included. Hosting your own services allows you
-      to set the rules and codes of conduct.
+      to set the rules and codes of conduct appropriate for your
+      groups specific needs.
     - Experimentation -- just by means of playing with interesting
       software projects can people often learn about the tools and
       systems they use, and grow their knowledge of the technologies
       involved.
     - Collaboration -- the software that implements self-hosted
-      services often some under the terms of a Free or Open Source
+      services often come under the terms of a Free or Open Source
       Software copyright licence, which allows for people to copy and
-      improve software, and these improvements often find their back
+      improve the software, and these improvements often find their
-      to the original project for others to benefit.
+      back to the original project for others to benefit.
     - Protection -- Governments in countries where civil rights are
       not regarded as highly as they are in Ireland very often delight
       in the greater ease involved in surveilling their populations
-      when the record of all that activity is centralised in a single
+      when the records of all that activity are centralised in a
-      service.
+      single service.
 
     Very often, as with me, the reason to self-host is a combination
     of more than 1 of these reasons.
@@ -439,7 +437,7 @@
 ** CONSDONE How accessible is self-hosting.
    In a previous, similar, submission[fn:dccae:Available [[http://www.gibiris.org/eo-blog/posts/2019/04/15_harmful-content-consultation.html][here]] and
    [[https://www.dccae.gov.ie/en-ie/communications/consultations/Documents/86/submissions/Eibhear_O_HAnluain.pdf][here]].], I provide an outline of the challenges before someone who
-   wants to set up their own services. There are few, and they are
+   wants to set up their own services. They are few, and they are
    small. In summary, the reasons for this are:
    - The Internet is mechanism for computers to find each other and
      then to share information with each other. The mechanism is
@@ -825,7 +823,7 @@
    - [[http://www.gibiris.org/eo-blog/posts/2018/09/04_some-questions-5-eyes-countries-what-can-they-do.html][Some questions for the "5 Eyes" countries on what they think they
      can do]]
 
-* CONSTODO Answers to consultation questions
+* CONSDONE Answers to consultation questions
   The follows are some answers to the questions posed in the call for
   submissions.
 ** CONSDONE Definition of communication in legislation